When you are looking for your own soulmate (YOS), there are steps we encourage you take.

Step #1

Write out a list of ten positive I AM statements related to yourself. These must be positive and believable. Example. I AM intelligent.

Step #2

Realizing you are enough

Step #3

The List. What are your wants (YAYS), the things you’re willing to compromise on (MAY-BAYs) and red flags (NO WAYs). The YAYs relate to qualities you are seeking in yourself and your eventual life partner. There should be a great deal of overlap between the two. As a client of Deanna’s noted, “like attracts like” and “I really am the one I’m looking for.”

The May-Bays are things that you can deal with even if they’re not ideal. For example, some people are messier than others. Is that a deal breaker for you? If not, put it in the MAY-BAYs list. (Otherwise, it goes on the NAYs list.)

The NAYs are your red flags or barriers to entry. To find quality partners and show yourself love and respect, it’s important to set up a list of red flags. These are situations or qualities you can not put up. Don’t want a smoker – then that’s a NAY. We don’t want you to settle for people who trip off more than two of your red flags.

The list is not about perfection but about who makes you happy. Hopefully, you learn to make yourself happy first and foremost. The rest will fall into place in due time. Trust the process and you will succeed. What have you got to lose anyway?

Step #4

Self-care practices. Self-care gets a bad rap these days. It’s such an industry buzz word. Even women’s magazine have picked up on the ‘self-care’ trend. Self-care is not a to-do list adding to your already-busy lives. Self-care should be fulfilling, not draining. It should not be a chore. We will go over what self-care looks like to you and how you can implement self-care activities that you’ll look forward to and enjoy in your daily, weekly and monthly routines.

Step #5

Self-compassion is a concept pioneered by Dr. Kristin Neff, a researcher out of the University of Texas in Austin. Her website is located at http://self-compassion.org. We encourage you to visit it and learn more about self-compassion. In a nutshell, it’s being kind and gentle with yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Chances are you cut other people in your life plenty of slack. Extend that generosity and kindness to yourself. We’ll help you get on the path to self-compassion.

Final Step

Lessons, learnings and takeaways. What did you learn from the process? What did you learn about yourself? How do you feel about yourself now? Are you on the path to loving yourself? Good!

You can do this work alone, via our workbook (downloadable below), in private sessions with Deidre Prince or me, Deanna Goodson, or in our quarterly workshop/course – Your Own Soulmate: You are the one you are looking for.