Learning to Speak Your Lover’s Love Language

Fairytales are pretty stories, well mostly unless you think of Grimm’s Fairytales, in which beautiful girls fall in love with princes and live happily ever after. The love is perfect and true. It happens almost immediately and is supposed to last for a lifetime.

Real love is not like that. When we fall in love, there is a period of idealization. Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Love Languages, refers to this as the ‘in-love’ phase. He theorizes that this phase lasts anywhere from 6 months to 2 years and during this phase we see the other person in an idealized light. We may not notice the things about them that we are not compatible with. We look at our beloved with rose-colored glasses.

After that ‘in-love’ period is over, we need to choose to stay in love with our partner. Love is a choice we make every day. We choose to love the person we marry or spend our life with. We must actively decide that that love is worth something to us and that person means a great deal to us. We learn to communicate with them in their love language.

Chapman talks about five love languages. They are:

  1. Word of Affirmation
  2. Physical Touch
  3. Quality Time
  4. Acts of Service
  5. And Gift Giving

Everyone has a different love language. Very rarely do two people with the same love language fall in love with each other. When that happens, they may speak a different dialect of that language. For example, my love language is quality time. I want my husband to spend time with me not watching TV or engaging in other distractions. I want his full attention and to know that he is listening to me. That says he loves me.

He, however, is an acts of service guy. He wants me to do things for him like he does for me. He’s a great husband and sometimes we get into difficulties because our love tanks aren’t full. Usually, mine empties quicker than his. However, we try really hard to communicate with each other in our love languages. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.

When you truly love someone, you stick it out. Love everlasting may not be a fairytale but it’s worth pursuing and working on.

Want to build a love that lasts? Love yourself first. If you want help with that, please reach out to us at becomingyourownsoulmate@gmail.com. We would love to chat with you!

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